Newborn Hats

 After we got back from Florida I was in a newborn phase.   

For therapy I came home and whipped up some of these cute newborn hats. 

There is just something special about a new little baby.

We can't forget about newborn boys.  

....we didn't bring her home but we have the privilege to pray for her every day.

Emma and her special moment.

Waiting for Emma

I have quite a few thoughts on adoption and the adoption process.  Many ask James and I lots of questions regarding adoption and our adoption experience.  I first tell people that everybody has a different experience when adopting.  No two situations are the same.    "How long does it take?" is one of the many questions we get asked.

Last week James and I were discussing how many couples were placed with their children before we got a call being matched.  Many of our friends started the process after us and were being placed before us.   It seems years went by (well some years did go by) before we even seemed to be considered.  Being open to just about any situation did not make the process go any faster for us.   I had to learn how to be content without being a mother.  Eventually I came to the realization that maybe it was never going to happen for us.  I'm so glad that James and I are both believers in Christ because I firmly believe...no, I KNOW...that trusting in Him made the time that we waited easier.  Okay, maybe I wasn't happy all the time but I was content knowing that He was in control.

Last week James said:  "why does it take some people less then a few months to be placed with a baby but it took us forever?"  Emma was playing on the floor chit chatting away.  I said to him: "would you have wanted to be placed with a child any sooner.  God gave us Emma and she was worth the wait because He had her in mind for us all along."  With this, James smiled and of course agreed whole heartily.  

I will admit that if we had known what God's plan was all along that would have made certain times easier.  But, that isn't how it works.  It is so good to know that just because we aren't "happy" all the time we can be "content" knowing that He has a plan for us.  

 

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on you understanding:  in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Bonding

Emma and I got home this week from a wonderful trip from seeing family and friends.  My mom was able to watch Emma a few times while I went out on some ventures of my own.  I mention this because my mom reminded me that a little one's greatest fear is abandonment.  We were conversing about how I've tried to leave Emma in a place where there were other children and Emma always seems to fall apart.  A few times the workers have asked me "what is wrong with her?"

Bonding is an issue that will be discussed several times with you if you ever decide to adopt.  There are books on it and everyone will have their two cents to put in.   You will read about it, talk about it in great detail with your social worker, hear other people's experiences who have been through the same thing and get others opinions who think they know the answers.   Everyone will have some advice to give you which you take and along the way you figure out what works best for you and the baby.

It amazes me that a caregiver could ask me what is wrong with my Emma.  Talk about leaving a place feeling guilty thinking I've done something terribly wrong to this poor child.

This week I've been thinking about this quite a bit because last Sunday I tried to leave her in the nursery at church.   Thinking she may have fun she once again fell apart.  She wanted me...her mommy.  

I began to think about all the change she has been through the past year.  First, she was taken away from her birth mom.  Can you imagine the voice you have been hearing for 9 months suddenly not being there?  Secondly, she was given two wonderful and amazing foster parents for three months.  They took her and loved her so much and I know that she was bonded with them.  When we picked her up can you imagine the loss she felt?  Have you ever said "goodbye" to someone that you deeply loved?  At least as an adult we know that we'll see that person again and can deal with our emotions.  She had no way of dealing emotionally with the loss she was feeling except for crying through it.

After praying this week about it,  I'm content just having her with me wherever I go.  I'm not going to feel guilty about her falling apart.  We have done exactly what we are suppose to do and that is to bond.  She has bonded with me and when she looks around a room and I'm not there she is afraid she has been abandoned...once again (although she was never really abandoned but you try explaining that to a little one her age).  :)

I'm doing the best I can just like every mom out there.  So please, if you are watching a little one and they fall apart don't assume something is wrong with the child.  Love on the poor baby because they probably just miss their mommy! 

And for those who have adopted or are adopting all the advice in the world won't give you all the answers.  You just pray and do the best you can.

By the way, if you are wondering how she did with my mom...she did great!   I only called a few times to check on them while being out.