Emma and I got home this week from a wonderful trip from seeing family and friends. My mom was able to watch Emma a few times while I went out on some ventures of my own. I mention this because my mom reminded me that a little one's greatest fear is abandonment. We were conversing about how I've tried to leave Emma in a place where there were other children and Emma always seems to fall apart. A few times the workers have asked me "what is wrong with her?"
Bonding is an issue that will be discussed several times with you if you ever decide to adopt. There are books on it and everyone will have their two cents to put in. You will read about it, talk about it in great detail with your social worker, hear other people's experiences who have been through the same thing and get others opinions who think they know the answers. Everyone will have some advice to give you which you take and along the way you figure out what works best for you and the baby.
It amazes me that a caregiver could ask me what is wrong with my Emma. Talk about leaving a place feeling guilty thinking I've done something terribly wrong to this poor child.
This week I've been thinking about this quite a bit because last Sunday I tried to leave her in the nursery at church. Thinking she may have fun she once again fell apart. She wanted me...her mommy.
I began to think about all the change she has been through the past year. First, she was taken away from her birth mom. Can you imagine the voice you have been hearing for 9 months suddenly not being there? Secondly, she was given two wonderful and amazing foster parents for three months. They took her and loved her so much and I know that she was bonded with them. When we picked her up can you imagine the loss she felt? Have you ever said "goodbye" to someone that you deeply loved? At least as an adult we know that we'll see that person again and can deal with our emotions. She had no way of dealing emotionally with the loss she was feeling except for crying through it.
After praying this week about it, I'm content just having her with me wherever I go. I'm not going to feel guilty about her falling apart. We have done exactly what we are suppose to do and that is to bond. She has bonded with me and when she looks around a room and I'm not there she is afraid she has been abandoned...once again (although she was never really abandoned but you try explaining that to a little one her age). :)
I'm doing the best I can just like every mom out there. So please, if you are watching a little one and they fall apart don't assume something is wrong with the child. Love on the poor baby because they probably just miss their mommy!
And for those who have adopted or are adopting all the advice in the world won't give you all the answers. You just pray and do the best you can.
By the way, if you are wondering how she did with my mom...she did great! I only called a few times to check on them while being out.
